Radar's Birthday
by CharlieCaller
Summary: Radar's birthday doesn't turn out as dull as he first thought. (Pls rr)


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of the TV program M*A*S*H. The characters belong to M*A*S*H and it's companies. I am not making a profit out of borrowing these characters.  
  
Author's Note: I am not sure about Radar's age, and if I got it wrong I apologise.  
  
Title: Radar's Birthday  
  
It was just before five in the morning in the 4077th M*A*S*H, Korea. Few people were awake at that time, but Radar O'Reilly knew that within the hour the camp would be alive.  
  
Radar was awake that morning, lying in his cot, staring at the ceiling. His teddy was faithfully by his side, as he always was when Radar went to sleep.  
  
"It's my special day today," Radar spoke to his teddy. "Today, I become a year older than I was yesterday. This will be my day. I don't care if no one else knows that its my birthday or not, because I know its my birthday, and my Mom does." He picked up a card that he had received two weeks ago. He had not yet opened it, because it had instructed him not to on the envelope.  
  
He opened the card, looked at the design on the front and then opened it to see inside.  
  
"Dear Walter," it read. "Happy 19th Birthday! We miss you so much, and wish that we could be with you today. The family sends their love, as do we. All our love, Ma and Uncle Ed."  
  
Radar read the card again, and then pinned it up on the wooden frame near the bed. "Well, that's my birthday. Now, back to the war."  
  
At breakfast, nobody took anymore notice of Radar than usual. He was given his food, and sat with Hawkeye and Trapper, who looked half asleep.  
  
"Morning," they greeted.  
  
"Good morning," Radar said brightly.  
  
"You're happy," Trapper commented.  
  
"It's a great war," Radar told them.  
  
"Oh, sure. Casualties rolling in by the hour, containing bullets, shrapnel, and anything else the Koreans decide to throw at them. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be," Hawkeye ranted.  
  
Radar was not having two grumpy captains destroy his good mood. "I'll leave you to complain in peace," he said, taking his tray and sitting elsewhere. As he left, Hawkeye and Trapper tried to suppress their laughter.  
  
"He doesn't know a thing," Trapper whispered.  
  
After breakfast, Radar got on with his duties. He handed out the mail, and was happy to see that he had received two more birthday cards.  
  
"No one ever gets cards on their birthday," he muttered, opening them. "They arrive early or late."  
  
After sorting through the mail, wounded arrived. He worked as an orderly, carrying wounded in and out of the ward. Throughout the deluge, Radar became increasingly depressed.  
  
"What's so special about today? No one remembered. It's not a special day when you can't share it with anyone." Radar's thoughts circled around this subject as he carried out his duties.  
  
At lunch, Radar sat alone as he ate. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he did not notice that there was hardly anyone in there. If he did, he would have put it down to the war, and people being busy.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Author's Note: I am not sure about Radar's age, and if I got it wrong I apologise.  
  
Title: Radar's Birthday  
  
It was a mild afternoon at the 4077th M*A*S*H unit, Korea. The deluge of wounded that had flowed through the hospital that morning had passed, and the staff were now making the most of their quiet afternoon.  
  
Corporal Radar O'Reilly was not having the best of days. That day happened to be his nineteenth birthday, but no one had remembered. He admitted that he had not exactly publicised the event, but still he had hoped that a few people might have remembered. He was especially upset that Colonel Blake, a man who he saw as a father figure, had not remembered it.  
  
He decided to use the afternoon to write a letter home. At least his mother and Uncle Ed had sent him a card and present, which was the only bright point of the day as yet. He looked at the card again, and then put pen to paper.  
  
"Dear Ma and Uncle Ed," it began. "Today is my birthday, and I'll start by saying thank you for the card and present. The sweater you made is a perfect fit, and in my favourite colour, too."  
  
"This morning started as normal. There was breakfast, which could have been lunch or dinner, and parts of it probably will be. Breakfast was interrupted by choppers loaded with casualties, meaning that everyone had to leave their food and get straight into the operating theatre. It's not exactly the best time of the day to be operating on someone, but it has to be done."  
  
"I was an orderly, meaning that I had to take in and bring out patients of the OR. It's not so bad being an orderly, because we get a lot more breaks than the surgeons. When we do get breaks, we do other things. We get food for the surgeons, we get supplies, give blood, you name it, we do it. I do other things too. I remember when we were being shelled, I spent hours trying to find out who was shelling us, and then stop it. It gets really frustrating, because people always seem to have better things to do than to find out if they are shelling a hospital or not."  
  
"After the wounded stopped pouring in, we had lunch. Still, no one had remembered my birthday. It doesn't really bother me that much anymore, I guess. These people have much more to do than to worry about one person's birthday. The war is in town, for a start. That takes up a lot of spare time."  
  
"It's after lunch now, and here I am, writing to you. Here is my other news for the week."  
  
Radar spent the whole afternoon writing a long letter to his family. He thought that everyone else would be sleeping or something, but little did he know, they were planning something.  
  
In the Officer's Club, Hawkeye, Trapper and Henry were organising everyone for an event that would take place that night.  
  
"Okay, food. Igor should be in charge of that, anyone else want to help?" A few people raised their hands, and Hawkeye acknowledged the volunteers with a nod. "Igor, we need a cake. Think you can get that?"  
  
"Sure," Igor replied. "You want anything on it in particular?"  
  
"Happy Birthday would be good," Trapper said sarcastically.  
  
"Okay, I get the idea." Igor and his team left.  
  
"Next, we need decorations in here. Ginger, Kellye, Louise, can you organise that? Get some more people involved." The nurses nodded, and set to work.  
  
"Father, can you make a sign?" Henry asked.  
  
"Of course. Would 'Happy Birthday Radar' be all right?"  
  
"Perfect. Kwang, make sure we have a lot of Grape Nehi drinks for tonight, okay?"  
  
"Sure, Hawkeye," Kwang replied, searching below the bar for some drinks.  
  
"What else do we need?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
"Hey, can I do anything to help?" Klinger asked as he entered the Officer's Club.  
  
"Well, you can help out with food, decorations, or with Father Mulcahy and the banner," Trapper listed the jobs to be done. "I don't think its wise to let you work behind the bar with Kwang."  
  
"I can help Father Mulcahy," Klinger suggested.  
  
"You're pretty creative, that could be useful," Hawkeye commented. "One day I see you with just a roll of plain material, the next day you're wearing it. You're really cut out for the Section 8 thing."  
  
"Thanks, I think," Klinger replied cautiously as he headed in the direction of Father Mulcahy's tent.  
  
As Klinger left, Hawkeye and Trapper took a moment to look at the progression of the decorations. "Hey, looks great there, just need it a bit higher," Hawkeye commented on the streamers that were being put up.  
  
"This all seems to be in good hands," Trapper said. "I think we should start part one of the Big Plan."  
  
"Good idea," Hawkeye concurred. "Henry, remember to get yourself set up so that you look Korean, and get ready in the Supply Room later."  
  
"Sure, don't worry," Henry said. "I'll be ready. Just don't hurt Radar, okay? He's carrying my golf clubs tomorrow."  
  
They left the Officer's Club and went into the Supply Room. "This stuff worked great on that soldier, Private Condon, so it should work for us."  
  
"He really thought that he had gotten the wrong blood," Hawkeye reminisced. "At least he learnt his lesson."  
  
As Hawkeye and Trapper thought back to that memory, they set up the Big Plan. This was to keep Radar out of the way whilst the Officer's Club was set up. Hawkeye and Trapper planned to dress up as North Koreans, and they would then pretend to kidnap Radar and hold him hostage until the party was ready. Henry would come over, and tell them that it was all set up. They would then blindfold Radar and take him into the Officer's Club, where the party would be revealed.  
  
"Do you think we should use ether on him?" Trapper asked as he painted himself with the tanning fluid.  
  
"I think we should have it there, in case we need it," Hawkeye replied.  
  
Meanwhile, Radar had finished writing his letter, and he sat by the phone system, reading a comic book. He was rudely interrupted by a call.  
  
"M*A*S*H 4077th," he began. He grabbed a pencil and paper as he noted down the details. "All right, sir," he said. "We'll be ready. How many did you say? Two of them? And you said that they are unarmed but desperate. No call to bug out. Okay sir, thanks for the warning."  
  
The announcement was made to the camp. "Attention, all personnel. Reports are coming in that two North Korean soldiers have been spotted in the area. They are unarmed, but may be in disguise."  
  
Hawkeye and Trapper heard the announcement, and cursed. "What's Henry gone and done that for? Now Radar will be on his guard."  
  
"That's not fair, he got a fair warning!" Hawkeye was annoyed.  
  
"I guess now he'll know that there is a valid reason for him being kidnapped," Trapper pointed out.  
  
"True. I think we should get started now, before the real Koreans take him away."  
  
"You think they'd do that?" Trapper asked as they hid their stuff.  
  
"Only if they don't tread on him first," Hawkeye joked.  
  
In a nearby tent, Frank and Margaret were talking. Well, Margaret was talking, and Frank was panicking.  
  
"We're going to be attacked! Why isn't anyone doing anything?"  
  
"Frank, they're not armed! They can't do anything to us."  
  
"But still, why isn't anyone doing anything?"  
  
"They'll all setting up the party, and I have a good mind to join them," Margaret said shortly. She left Frank whimpering by himself.  
  
Radar was back at his desk with his comic book when Hawkeye and Trapper crept into his office.  
  
In one slick movement Hawkeye grabbed his hands whilst Trapper blindfolded him. Radar struggled but realised that it was to no avail. He called out for help, but no one came to rescue him.  
  
After sharing acknowledging nods, the two doctors crept outside into the compound, where the sun was setting, and snuck Radar across and into the Supply Room.  
  
"Help!" Radar kept calling until his voice was hoarse. "Somebody! Anybody! I've been captured."  
  
"Quiet," Trapper said in his best Korean accent. He rested a finger in Radar's back, pretending that it was a gun.  
  
Radar said nothing, but was annoyed to be warned that the Koreans were not armed, when they actually were.  
  
Once Radar was quiet, Hawkeye and Trapper switched on the lights. Their jaws dropped to see two Koreans sitting in the corner. The real Koreans were just as surprised.  
  
Radar had struggled enough to get his blindfold loose, and saw that there were four Koreans. "I wish they'd get it right," he muttered. "First they tell me that they were unarmed, and then they say that there's only two of them."  
  
Hawkeye, thinking that the two Koreans were Henry and another person, went over and whispered, "is it set up?"  
  
The two real Koreans looked surprised, and stood up suddenly. As he did, the door opened and another person walked in. It was Henry, dressed as a Korean.  
  
Henry walked over to Trapper and whispered, "How many people did you get in on this?" Trapper was too shocked to speak, as the penny dropped. The Koreans were really Koreans!  
  
Slowly, Hawkeye stepped back towards the door. He whispered to Henry, "You're not one of them."  
  
"You don't know them?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Are they armed?"  
  
"Now there are five of them?" Radar asked himself. This day was far too eventful, even for a birthday.  
  
"You take the one on the left," Hawkeye said to Trapper, "I'll take the one on the right, and you," he directed at Henry, "go and get a guard."  
  
As Henry slipped out of the door to find one of the guards, Hawkeye and Trapper edged forward towards the Korean soldiers. When they got there, they counted to two and ambushed the soldiers. The two Koreans were wrestled to the ground, and tied up with some spare ropes that had been saved for Radar.  
  
The young corporal watched the scene in disbelief. He saw two Koreans fighting with another two. "They're all mad! No wonder they started a war," he thought to himself.  
  
Once they were safe, Hawkeye turned to Trapper. "Here's the plan," he whispered. "We take Radar out of here, and go around the back of the tent. You wait with him, and I'll wait for Henry to come back. We three leave the guards to these guys," he nodded to the two Koreans, "and then we take Radar to you know where."  
  
Hawkeye alerted Henry as he arrived with the guards. "Okay, Henry, here's the plan. We've got Radar round the back of the tent, and we take him to the party. Make out that this was all part of it. We put the blindfold back on him, so for all he knows he could be in Toledo."  
  
Henry nodded, and they went around the back of the tent. They picked up Radar, much to the annoyance of him. Henry jogged ahead, alerting the party that the surprise was about to happen.  
  
Hawkeye and Trapper carried Radar inside. They set him on a stool, and took off their disguises. Then, they untied the ropes that bound his hands. Radar quickly scuffled with his blindfold, and as soon as he removed it.  
  
"SURPRISE!"  
  
Radar was so shocked that he almost toppled off of his stool. The camp shouted, "Happy Birthday!"  
  
Radar stared around, stunned. He looked for Hawkeye and Trapper in the crowd, who were standing with Henry. "You! You set this up?"  
  
"Well, part of it," Hawkeye told him.  
  
"You were the Korean soldiers? You set this up for me?"  
  
Hawkeye, Trapper and Henry looked at each other. "Why don't you open your presents, Radar?"  
  
Radar followed them to the bar, where there was a pile of gifts awaiting him. He opened them, and warmly thanked the people who he had received them from.  
  
As the party got into full swing, Radar walked up to Hawkeye and Trapper. "Did you go to all this trouble for me? The phone call about the Koreans?"  
  
"Well, not exactly. That wasn't planned," Hawkeye began.  
  
"The idea was that him and me would kidnap you and take you into the Supply Room. We'd keep you there until Henry came in, and that was the signal to take you here. But, the two Koreans showed up," Trapper finished.  
  
Radar's eyes were wide, with filled with deep delight. "I thought all you guys forgot. Thank you so much."  
  
"How could we forget you? C'mon Radar, you know us better than that."  
  
Radar, overcome with excitement, joy, and relief that his friends had remembered his birthday, climbed up onto a stool and announced, "Grape Nehi's all round!"  
  
The End  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Hi again! When I get back from my 2-week holiday to sunny Devon, I'll get straight to work on my next M*A*S*H story. It's going to be long, dramatic, and a bit risky for me. I hope you're looking forward to it already! 


End file.
